Celebrating Mothers’ Day is different. It’s not like last year when it was exciting like I was newly a part of the club, or like the year before when I didn’t know if I counted or not. This year I am spending Mothers’ Day on the couch as I cherish the sweet moments with my toddler as I anticipate the time that soon will come when she is not the only person in the world making me a mother.
This mothers’ day I get to ponder what it means to be a mother and how it has changed me. I am pondering how my unborn child has already and will continue to be different and have different demands.
With my daughter, I had zero morning sickness. There was not a day I even felt slightly nauseous or anything but glowing. However, she was a frank breech baby. The end of my pregnancy with her was emotionally agonizing because there were so many uncertainties.
This time, I have yet to have a day of peace from nausea. I feel like I am dying from the inside out and even sent a text to a friend one day telling her that if I didn’t make it I willed my small fortune in vitamins and supplements to her. What a difference! This child already needs me in new ways than Cassi ever did. And I am sure this pregnancy and labor will also present different challenges, or maybe even a lack-there-of… I can hope, right?!
Our family is expecting a new addition in the winter and it’s something we all look forward to. For me it is both a source of joy and a source of anxiety. I anxiously await childbirth in a new way this time. After having labored for so many hours at home and in the hospital, but winding up with an emergency cesarean, I am even more goal oriented and motivated than I was before. I am focused on a calm and easy birth at home.
While motherhood has never been easy, today I feel ok spending Mothers’ Day on the couch.
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